


Cosmic Love

by minuut_per_minuut



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Compliant, Feels, M/M, Song: Cosmic Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 06:39:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18515965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minuut_per_minuut/pseuds/minuut_per_minuut
Summary: The stars, the moon, they have all been blown outYou left me in the darkNo dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilightIn the shadow of your heart





	Cosmic Love

**Author's Note:**

> I literally wrote this in like an hour, because I was writing something else entirely and then Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine came on and I got inspired, so if it sucks that's why

“On your left,” Steve told Sam as he woke up. His head was throbbing. His whole body was throbbing. He hadn’t felt this bad ever in his life, even before. _That’s what you get when you let someone with metal arm beat you to a pulp,_ his brain reminded him. And fuck that. He didn’t let _someone_ beat him. It was Bucky. _It was Bucky._ Maybe his sense of self-preservation should have kicked in, but it was never too good anyway. Especially not when it came to Bucky. It was one thing to fight him when he was trying to stop Insight, but once that was done he couldn’t. He couldn’t justify not lifting the beam Bucky was trapped under. He couldn’t justify hitting him, hurting him. So Steve freed him and then he took the beating because it was Bucky. Somehow it was Bucky and Steve couldn’t hurt him.

 

 _To the end of the line_ , he had said. And he fucking meant it.

 

**

 

“So when do we start?” Sam asked him. And Steve didn’t know.

 

Natasha told him he might not want to pull on that thread but he had too. Steve Rogers was not a man to do anything at half measures, and he was definitely not about to start now.

 

It’s just that there wasn’t much. The Soldier was a ghost story after all. If there was one thing Hydra must have taught him it was definitely how to hide. And Steve can only imagine how hard it is to be free after being a weapon for decades. Steve really wishes Bucky didn't have to know.

 

**

 

He wakes up in a panic one night after Sokovia. He really thought he would die up there. He really thought he would die without finding Bucky first. He was trapped in the dark, no dawn, no day, just perpetually stuck in a twilight, in the shadow of Bucky’s love, in the shadow of his heart. It’s not the first time he feels it. That the stars and the moon have all been blown out. He really needs to find Bucky.

 

Only when he does find him he doesn’t have the time to make things right. When he does find him they have to fight. Why do they always have to fight? Steve’s just so damn tired of fighting.

 

They put him back in a cryo chamber. At least this time it was Bucky’s choice. But that doesn’t help Steve. He goes to bed that night and screams aloud. So loud that it feels as though it’s tearing through him. He cries himself to sleep. He just holds a pillow and cries. He wishes it could be Bucky. For all things he’s lost there’s nothing he misses more than Bucky’s arms around him. He would hold Steve every night, had since Steve was little. When they met again post-serum Steve tried holding Bucky only to be smacked in the chest and told that he was an idiot for letting someone do that to him, and a bigger idiot for thinking being taller and stronger meant Bucky would ever stop holding him at night. He sulked that night, he just wanted to hold the man he loved in his arms. And he kept trying to no avail too.

 

Crying into his pillow Steve thinks he’d give anything in the universe to be in Bucky’s arms tonight.

 

**

 

“Captain he’s different,” Shuri tells him.

 

“So am I, Princess,” he tells her, “I just care that he’s okay.”

 

They walk in silence for the rest of the way to the little hut. Once they’re close enough Shuri turns to Steve and tells him that Bucky knows he’s coming today so he can just walk in without her. She doesn’t want to intrude in their moment, and Steve appreciates it. He’s waited years for this, he’ll never do anything that will be enough to thank T’Challa and Shuri for helping Bucky. He knocks softly on the door when he gets to it, Steve hears a sharp inhale before Bucky says ‘come in’.

 

He looks beautiful. Tired but beautiful. Peaceful. Suddenly Steve wishes he would have shaved, maybe even cut his hair. He should have tried to look better for Bucky, he thinks.

 

Bucky doesn’t seem to care. He runs to Steve and clings to him so quickly Steve stumbles back. He’s stunned for only a second before he wraps both his arms around Bucky. He leans into Bucky and smells his hair. And then Steve laughs. For the first time since DC he feels young and carefree. And then he buries his face in Bucky’s hair and cries. Not of sadness, just exhaustion. Steve is exhausted, the path to this moment was so long. Too long. His heart is beating so fast he’s scared it might leap out of his chest. He’d be embarrassed if Bucky wasn’t crying into the crook of his neck if Bucky’s hand wasn’t bunched up in the back of his shirt. He can even hear Bucky’s heart beating just as fast. They waited so long. Steve looks at the bed in the corner, he knows what he needs right now. He starts walking Bucky over to it and sits pulling him down with him.

 

“I just want you to hold me,” Steve says realising how it could look to Bucky, “Like we used to, Buck.”

 

“I’ve only got one arm,” Bucky says, “Maybe you should hold me.”

 

“I don’t care,” Steve almost whispers, “I just want you.”

 

They lay down, and Bucky tucks Steve’s head under his chin, draping his arm around him and holding him tight. Neither one of them has stopped crying. Now Steve’s just listening to Bucky’s heart, “I love you Buck,” he says.

 

“I love you too Stevie.”

 

He closes his eyes and in the dark, he hears Bucky’s heartbeat, he knew then that no matter what happened somehow he would always find his way back to Bucky. After all, if Bucky was in the darkness Steve would stay in the darkness with him.


End file.
